The Beaverton

Canadians relieved they won’t be forced to fly Air Canada | The Beaverton

Carney promises clean energy investment will almost make up for 1-2 days of new pipeline emissions | The Beaverton

Trump throws himself military parade after bravely chickening out on Canadian tariffs | The Beaverton

“My mind operates on a different level” theorizes friend who is just bad at communicating | The Beaverton

Researchers warn that Alberta separatists could be influenced by foreign agents, shiny objects | The Beaverton

Amish iPad kid? This child is reading a book | The Beaverton

Doug Ford celebrates bike lane court victory with public execution of local cycling group | The Beaverton

Trump protects children from Epstein-class by ensuring none live long enough to be exploited | The Beaverton

Zuckerberg did not hear boat’s distress call because he had conversation muted | The Beaverton

Conservatives explain how they would get a trade deal done with Trump | The Beaverton

Carney imposes 50% tariffs on U.S. for fake Canadian girlfriends | The Beaverton

Entry-level job applicant invited to sixth round of interviews and first round of bare-knuckle cage fights | The Beaverton

Ghislaine Maxwell suicide scheduled for next Thursday | The Beaverton

Trump unable to take on BBC | The Beaverton

Poilievre confident his polling numbers will improve once voters get to know him | The Beaverton

Carney vows to fast-track West Coast Pipeline before entire West Coast burns to the ground | The Beaverton

Republicans insist Mitch McConnell resting comfortably following routine taxidermy procedure | The Beaverton

“Buying Things and Owning Them” now no.1 search result on Pornhub in Canada | The Beaverton

Canadians overwhelmingly demand wealth tax after Kevin O’Leary says it will make him move away | The Beaverton

Breaking: Man who keeps shitting himself in public tough to pin down on international trade deal | The Beaverton

Jared Leto struggling to think of ways he could have made creepiness more evident | The Beaverton

Shopify announces customers can use promo code PLUTOCRACY for 10% off all orders | The Beaverton

Edmonton plans separation referendum to separate from Alberta separation referendum | The Beaverton

Boomers blame social media for setting unrealistic lawn standards | The Beaverton

Olive-hating man worried about upcoming trip to Greece | The Beaverton

British Columbia to address cost of housing by legalizing polygamy | The Beaverton

Tech CEOs warn Chinese AI could destroy the world faster than American AI can | The Beaverton

Cancelling of Billy Bishop expansion leaves Ford wondering if this is a bad time to tell Ontario he bought another private jet | The Beaverton

Meteorologists confirm drizzle will not address bird shit situation | The Beaverton

Trump threat to tariff Canada over wildfire smoke closest he will ever come to understanding climate change | The Beaverton

Neighbourhood kid who just learned to ride bike now logging 14-hour shift delivering Uber Eats | The Beaverton