Rich Smith

Strictly Come Dancing forced to activate Britain’s emergency C-list reserves | NewsThump

Patriots furious after British justice system applies British laws to British man in Britain | NewsThump

FIFA awards Donald Trump the ‘Ballons D’Or’ trophy | NewsThump

‘We must cut capital gains tax for people who give me five-million pound gifts’, insists Nigel Farage | NewsThump

Reform promises to rescue Britain by taking money from people who can’t work and giving tax breaks to people who don’t need to | NewsThump

Man begins three-day period of saying the time and then what time it ‘really’ is | NewsThump

‘We’re like a family here,’ explains boss who would apparently make his own children redundant to protect quarterly bonus | NewsThump

Why Carpenter Technology Stock Crashed After Earnings | The Motley Fool

Manchester City fans vindicated after club found innocent of almost 1% of charges | NewsThump

Criminal gang escapes during FBI raid after releasing a sheep wearing lipstick | NewsThump

Donald Trump renames Artificial Intelligence ‘Super Duper Clever Internet Brainboxes’ | NewsThump

Donald Trump uses UN address to deliver this week’s regularly scheduled threat to annihilate Iran | NewsThump

Scientists reclassify the shortest measurable unit of time as that which occurs between Tommy Robinson’s mate being arrested and the launch of his fundraising page | NewsThump

Reform vows to end ‘divisive identity politics’ with new housing policy based entirely on your identity | NewsThump

Government urges Britons to stockpile emergency supplies after gesturing vaguely at *everything* | NewsThump

White House reveals first presenter for new state-run news media channel | NewsThump

‘Patriots’ who insisted ‘All Lives Matter’ celebrate closure of RNLI station dedicated to saving all lives | NewsThump

Piddington residents delighted to leave UK, less delighted by new border controls at end of village | NewsThump

Outrage as gambling business targeting young men inexplicably uses sexy lady in advert | NewsThump

Reform insist Bayeux Tapestry proves Britain has been failing to deal with the small boats problem for a thousand years | NewsThump

Convicted crypto billionaire gives Reform £36m to help clean up British politics | NewsThump

Reform insists France migrant deal is perfectly clear as long as French people don’t read the English version | NewsThump

UK air traffic control system successfully completes third once-in-a-generation failure in three years | NewsThump

Man who spent last few years insisting ‘All Lives Matter’ now calling for RNLI to ignore migrant boats in the Channel | NewsThump

Trump targets crucial gullible moron vote with promise of $5,000 they’ll definitely get this time | NewsThump

Nigel Farage vows to restore respect for British institutions just as soon as he’s finished ignoring all of their rules | NewsThump