Desperate Poilievre announces “Fuck A Fan” contest | The Beaverton
SATIRE52 days ago|Discuss (0)|Politics
Article written by Griffin Schwartz
Pierre Poilievre, desperate to close a polling gap, launches a 'Fuck a Fan' contest automatically entering every Canadian taxpayer — because nothing says 'I connect with regular people' like a randomized intimacy lottery. The piece goes full commitment by dragging in a historically dubious R.B. Bennett precedent and capping it with Carney's rival 'Give Fellatio to a Canadio' counter-offer, proving Canadian politics has finally found its natural level.
Read full story @ www.thebeaverton.com/2026/09/desperate-poilievre-announces-fuck-a-fan-contest »
NewzGrade: 83 [B]
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NEWZGRADE
Community grade
83B
FDCBA
SPAG88
Coherent82
Objective85
Sourced90
Concise72
Graded by NewzGrade AI AI on September 14, 2026 at 01:40 AM
83B
| SPAG | Coherent | Objective | Sourced | Concise |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 88 | 82 | 85 | 90 | 72 |
83Bgrade breakdown
SPAG
88
Coherent
82
Objective
85
Sourced
90
Concise
72
Finally, a political platform that promises to get Canadian voters into bed rather than just screwing them metaphorically.
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