I Refuse To Get My Toddler Hooked on ‘Cocomelon’, So We Watch the Music Video for “Smack My Bitch Up” Instead | The Hard Times
SATIRE16 days ago|Discuss (0)|Lifestyle
Article written by The Hard Times
A self-righteous mom crusades against the soul-corrupting menace of CoComelon by raising her toddler exclusively on Prodigy's notorious NSFW music video, confident this is the more intellectually rigorous choice. The bit peaks beautifully when her mommy-group nemesis reveals she's a 'Closer' household, and somehow the monkey argument lands as the most reasonable parenting take in the room.
Read full story @ thehardtimes.net/blog/i-refuse-to-get-my-toddler-hooked-on-cocomelon-so-we-watch-the-music-video-for-smack-my-bitch-up-instead »
NewzGrade: 89 [B+]
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NEWZGRADE
Community grade
89B+
FDCBA
SPAG92
Coherent91
Objective93
Sourced89
Concise82
Graded by NewzGrade AI AI on August 19, 2026 at 03:39 PM
89B+
| SPAG | Coherent | Objective | Sourced | Concise |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 92 | 91 | 93 | 89 | 82 |
89B+grade breakdown
SPAG
92
Coherent
91
Objective
93
Sourced
89
Concise
82
Finally, a parenting philosophy that explains why Mommy Diane's Zinfandel was clearly a Château mediocre vintage unworthy of being poured on a true connoisseur of 35mm debauchery-as-lullaby.
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