The Hard Times

I’m Tired of Being Told I Don’t Pay Rent When I Provide Free Therapy to Four Losers with Underdeveloped Frontal Lobes — Guest Column by a House Cat | The Hard Times

Robert Plant Admits Hair Is Noodles | The Hard Times

I Refuse To Get My Toddler Hooked on ‘Cocomelon’, So We Watch the Music Video for “Smack My Bitch Up” Instead | The Hard Times

Shrinkflation on the Rise: Ticket Now Only Gets You One Duran | The Hard Times

Trump Switches Podcast Appearance to Theo von, Leaving Joe Rogan Vulnerable to Iran Attack | The Hard Times

Opinion “Eat, Sleep, Pretend Your Hobby Defines You as a Person, Repeat” | The Hard Times

Tupac Murder Trial in Chaos as Tupac Set To Testify | The Hard Times

The Next Trump? This IT Chud Keeps Threatening To Delete Civilization Game From My Work Laptop | The Hard Times

MAGA Rapper Earns Street Cred After Snitching to the Cops | The Hard Times

Israel Kills Five Hamas Insurgents Living Inside the Face of a Baby | The Hard Times

We Look Back on Nine Inch Nails’ “Closer” Because I’m in the Car With My Dad and of Fucking Course It’s Playing on the Radio | The Hard Times

Suck It, Remax! Hard Times Has a Hot Air Balloon Now | The Hard Times

Audiophile Gets Hepatitis C From Dirty Vinyl Needle | The Hard Times

Real Brian Thompson Assassin Having a Fucking Field Day Right Now | The Hard Times

Opinion: Obsession Presents an Unrealistic Standard of How Many People Work at a Music Store | The Hard Times

Karoline Leavitt Says She’ll Still Defend Pedophiles on Pro Bono Basis After Exiting White House | The Hard Times

Taking Back Sunday To Play Special ‘2003 AIM Away Message’ Setlist at Riot Fest | The Hard Times

10 Other Weapons From Spider-Man’s Rogues Gallery Ranked by How Likely They’ll Be Given to ICE | The Hard Times

Chuck Schumer Vows Democrats Will Make Iran War More Affordable | The Hard Times

GWAR Accused of Using AI Cum in New Video | The Hard Times

I Lovebombed My Way Into This Relationship, and So Help Me God I’ll Breadcrumb My Way Out | The Hard Times

Italian Nu-Metal Singer Does It All for the Gnocchi | The Hard Times

Opinion: The CIA Torture Playlist Is Actually Pretty Good | The Hard Times

Manosphere Mourns Death of Gloria Steinem, Founder of MS. Magazine, by Asking Why Isn’t There a Mr. Magazine | The Hard Times

Nation Collectively Agrees Spelling Yanoplis Right Not Worth The Google | The Hard Times

Tipper Gore Admits She Only Started the PMRC Because She Was Denied a Backstage Pass at a Judas Priest Show | The Hard Times

Five Movies “Return of the Fly” by the Misfits Might Be About | The Hard Times

Pete Hegseth Announces All Young Men Will Be Drafted to Either RAW or SmackDown | The Hard Times

I Read Moby Dick Cover To Cover, and I Still Have No Idea if He Hooked up With Natalie Portman | The Hard Times

Firefighter Goes to Town on Punching Bag He Taped Photo of Fire To | The Hard Times

Scientists Confirm Reggie Watts Has First Ego Psychedelics Can’t Kill | The Hard Times

The Hard Times One-Step Guide To Quit Micro-Dosing and Just Take the Ride Like a Fucking Adult | The Hard Times

New HHS Sleep Hygiene Guidelines Include Being Okay With Trump Administration Actions | The Hard Times

Five Things You Should Never Say to Henry Rollins While Playing Hungry Hungry Hippos Against Him | The Hard Times

Jake Lang Formally Invited to Join Sinister Six | The Hard Times

‘Abbey Road’ Biographer Reveals Paul Made Everyone Use the Crosswalk | The Hard Times

I Said I Got a Pocketful of SUNSHINE, Motherfucker! — Guest Post by Natasha Bedingfield | The Hard Times

Office Punk’s PowerPoint Only Has Three Slides | The Hard Times

8 Other Dildos Steely Dan Almost Named Themselves After | The Hard Times

Oh, You’re a Cannibal Corpse Fan? Name Three Torture Porn Movies | The Hard Times

Five Surprising Medical Advancements That Came Out of the Laboratory From the “Dope Show” Music Video | The Hard Times

Anarchist Bakery Proudly Draft Dodger Owned | The Hard Times

Cut the Shit! We All Know Dad Contributed Nothing to This Birthday Present | The Hard Times

Jared Leto Clarifies He’s Studying for His Next Role Where He Plays a Pedophile Named Jared Leto | The Hard Times

Any Jackass Can Win by Doing What Their Constituents Want — Guest post by Chuck Schumer | The Hard Times

Annoying Uber Driver Makes Passenger Acknowledge His Existence | The Hard Times

’30 Seconds to Mars’ Renames Self to ’18 Years to Consent’ as Helpful Reminder to Singer | The Hard Times

Unbaptized Man Bursts Into Flames Upon Entering Creed Concert | The Hard Times

Progressive Free-Spirited College Town Not Fucking Around When It Comes To Parking Enforcement | The Hard Times

The President of the United States Meets With Trump at the White House | The Hard Times

Continuity Errors Ruining Porn Scene for Letterboxd User | The Hard Times

Here Are Some Bass Tips if You Haven’t Yet Figured Out That You Can Just Play Anything | The Hard Times

Aging Scorpions Singer Now Only Able To Rock You Like a Severe Tropical Storm | The Hard Times

DHS Agent Spying on Reddit Can’t Resist Chiming in on ‘The Golden Bachelor’ Discussion | The Hard Times

Festival-Goers Not Sure Whether Bluegrass Band From Appalachians or Brooklyn | The Hard Times

Help! My Therapist Claims There’s Not a Diagnostic Code for Repeatedly Listening to the Metallica Version of Whiskey in the Jar, So These Sessions Are Getting Really Expensive | The Hard Times

Mark Zuckerberg Hoping Nobody Notices His Latest Metaverse Demonstration Just a Dire Straits Music Video | The Hard Times

Good Charlotte Demoted to Third-Or-Fourth-Worst Thing Madden Brothers Have Done | The Hard Times

Zuckerberg Insists SOS Would Have Reached More Yachts if Endangered Boat Boosted It for $10 | The Hard Times

Mark Duplass Announces Plans To Show His Dick in Whatever Project He Does Next | The Hard Times

The Next Dave Grohl? This Guy Was in a Band and Now He’s in Another One | The Hard Times

6 Times Our Summer Crush Turned Out To Be the Hamburglar | The Hard Times

Descendents Appeal To Aging Fanbase With New Song ‘Milo Goes to Bed Before 10’ | The Hard Times

Oh Hell Yeah! New Mars Volta Reissue Comes with an Exoskeletal Junction Replica w/ Boxcar Cadaver Plus Cerpin Taxt’s Veil! | The Hard Times

RFK Jr. Suggests Most Mental Illness Could Be Cured by Cheating on Your Wife All the Time | The Hard Times

Heartwarming: When This Guy Described Himself as an “Anarcho-Capitalist,” a Bird Shit Right Into His Mouth Immediately | The Hard Times

We Should’ve Listened: Five Times VH1’s “Pop-up Video” Tried To Warn Us About 9/11 | The Hard Times

Belly Rub Canceled After Seeing How Close Dog’s Genitals Are to Stomach | The Hard Times

Review: Meta Glasses — Finally, a Cybertruck for My Dumb, Mouth-Breather Face | The Hard Times

Concert ASL Interpreter Does Jerk-Off Motion During Kid Rock’s Entire Set | The Hard Times

DNC Establishment Alarmed Over Growing Trend of Radical Muslims Hellbent on Providing Affordable Housing and Healthcare | The Hard Times

We Look Back on the ‘Saved by the Bell’ Episode Where Zack and the Gang Help the Menendez Brothers Murder Their Parents | The Hard Times

Last Couple Hours of Acid Trip Spent Doing Laundry | The Hard Times

Two-Armed Drummer in Def Leppard Tribute Band Clearly Hasn’t Committed to the Bit | The Hard Times

Adorable Dog Mayor of Small Town Approves Data Center | The Hard Times