Tearful Mark Zuckerberg Smothers Metaverse Avatar With Digital Pillow | The Onion

Mark Zuckerberg, unable to face the financial reckoning of his doomed virtual world, sneaks into the metaverse after hours to personally smother his own digital likeness with an e-pillow — only to discover the avatar has legs now and absolutely will not go quietly. The piece escalates beautifully from tender paternal grief to a full Brazilian jiu-jitsu brawl, culminating in the killer detail that the whole $80 billion ordeal could have been avoided if he'd simply let the little guy live rent-free in an empty server somewhere.