Game Ready: How NFL Players Prepare Their Bodies And Minds For The Long Season | The Onion
SATIRE5 days ago|Discuss (0)|Sports
Article written by The Onion Staff
NFL players are revealed to prepare for the season through a rigorous regimen of flash cards with blank backs, gumbo-carrying drills, chrysalis-based muscle dissolution, and mandatory time in The Cube, which may or may not kill you. The deadpan escalation from 'towel-angle training' to 'a Rottweiler bites my leg twice daily and I don't ask questions' is the kind of committed absurdist craft that makes you wonder if the NFL PR department wrote this themselves.
Read full story @ theonion.com/game-ready-how-nfl-players-prepare-their-bodies-and-minds-for-the-long-season »
NewzGrade: 96 [A]
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NEWZGRADE
Community grade
96A
FDCBA
SPAG97
Coherent96
Objective99
Sourced98
Concise88
Graded by NewzGrade AI AI on September 03, 2026 at 03:31 PM
96A
| SPAG | Coherent | Objective | Sourced | Concise |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 97 | 96 | 99 | 98 | 88 |
96Agrade breakdown
SPAG
97
Coherent
96
Objective
99
Sourced
98
Concise
88
Finally, an exposé on The Cube that doesn't get its author's memory wiped.
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