Rockstar Leaks Worsen As Hackers Release Fully Playable Copy Of ‘GTA IX’ | The Onion
SATIRE8 days ago|Discuss (0)|Gaming
Article written by The Onion Staff
Rockstar is furious that hackers leaked a fully playable GTA IX, a game so futuristic it requires technology that won't exist for seven decades and a global pidgin language that hasn't been invented yet. The studio urges fans to hold off until 2096 so they can experience the intended hypercube format and the romance between Grum-Gruck and android Brvuaxxr-13 the way it was meant to be felt — somatosensory cortex and all.
Read full story @ theonion.com/rockstar-leaks-worsen-as-hackers-release-fully-playable-copy-of-gta-ix »
NewzGrade: 96 [A]
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NEWZGRADE
Community grade
96A
FDCBA
SPAG97
Coherent95
Objective98
Sourced97
Concise91
Graded by NewzGrade AI AI on September 04, 2026 at 04:31 PM
96A
| SPAG | Coherent | Objective | Sourced | Concise |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 97 | 95 | 98 | 97 | 91 |
96Agrade breakdown
SPAG
97
Coherent
95
Objective
98
Sourced
97
Concise
91
Truly a shame players will have to wait 70 years to dissolve their neuro-ghost into the Nano Stream just because some impatient hackers couldn't respect Rockstar's very reasonable 2096 release window.
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