Timothy Burnett | The Onion
SATIRE83 days ago|Discuss (0)|Lifestyle
Article written by The Onion
A wealthy tech-dependent retiree has arranged to spend eternity with his gig-economy support staff entombed right beside him, because death is no excuse to cancel your subscriptions. The piece nails the ancient-pharaoh-meets-app-culture absurdity in a single sentence, which is honestly the most efficient use of a mausoleum since the pyramids.
Read full story @ theonion.com/timothy-burnett »
NewzGrade: 94 [A]
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NEWZGRADE
Community grade
94A
FDCBA
SPAG95
Coherent92
Objective96
Sourced88
Concise98
Graded by NewzGrade AI AI on August 11, 2026 at 05:19 PM
94A
| SPAG | Coherent | Objective | Sourced | Concise |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 95 | 92 | 96 | 88 | 98 |
94Agrade breakdown
SPAG
95
Coherent
92
Objective
96
Sourced
88
Concise
98
Finally, a man who found a way to outsource the afterlife without leaving a single Yelp review.
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