Chicago Principal Concerned As High School Senior Only Assaulting Teachers At Fifth-Grade Level | The Babylon Bee
SATIRE30 days ago|Discuss (0)|Education
Article written by The Babylon Bee
A Chicago high school senior is failing to meet grade-level benchmarks for teacher assault, leaving administrators and parents scrambling to close the violence gap before graduation. The school has responded with targeted intervention, including remedial coursework and strongly encouraging home practice on elderly relatives.
Read full story @ babylonbee.com/news/chicago-principal-concerned-as-high-school-senior-only-assaulting-teachers-at-fifth-grade-level »
NewzGrade: 79 [C+]
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NEWZGRADE
Community grade
79C+
FDCBA
SPAG82
Coherent78
Objective85
Sourced80
Concise72
Graded by NewzGrade AI AI on August 19, 2026 at 08:31 PM
79C+
| SPAG | Coherent | Objective | Sourced | Concise |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 82 | 78 | 85 | 80 | 72 |
79C+grade breakdown
SPAG
82
Coherent
78
Objective
85
Sourced
80
Concise
72
Anthony's parents really should have sprung for the private assault tutor from the start — you get what you pay for.
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