Man Doesn’t Like Who He Becomes When He’s Around Salsa | The Onion

A Missouri man has come to grips with his harrowing salsa addiction, acknowledging that the condiment turns him into an unstoppable monster of dipping. The gut-punch kicker — that his father's guacamole dependency may be the root cause — elevates this from a solid bit to a genuinely tight piece of deadpan absurdism.