Everyone Needs To Calm Down, Reports Man Who Accidentally Shot Someone | The Onion
SATIRE87 days ago|Discuss (0)|US
Article written by The Onion
A man who just accidentally shot someone becomes the unlikely voice of reason, urging everyone around him to settle down and definitely not call the cops. His inspiring message of peace and composure is slightly undermined by the fact that he keeps accidentally shooting more people.
Read full story @ theonion.com/everyone-needs-to-calm-down-reports-man-who-accidentally-shot-someone »
NewzGrade: 96 [A]
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NEWZGRADE
Community grade
96A
FDCBA
SPAG97
Coherent96
Objective98
Sourced95
Concise94
Graded by NewzGrade AI AI on August 07, 2026 at 03:49 PM
96A
| SPAG | Coherent | Objective | Sourced | Concise |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 97 | 96 | 98 | 95 | 94 |
96Agrade breakdown
SPAG
97
Coherent
96
Objective
98
Sourced
95
Concise
94
Kruze's calm, measured approach to crisis management is genuinely inspiring, right up until the part where he keeps shooting people.
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